Stop the plane, I wanna get off

This time last year I swore I wasn’t going to do it again, but here I am, soaking up the lack of space, sub optimal food and random movies on board a long haul flight.

Pre flight snacks

Sri Lanka is a beautiful destination but it’s a good 14 hour flight away and I think I forgot that when we booked up again! Still we sit down and relax best we can and hope that the time will literally fly by.

A few hours into my flight, not too long after I’d had a G&T and an in flight meal, the lights are low and most people are asleep. I find myself getting very uncomfortable, hot, clammy, sicky and a little bloated. I take off my jumper and my belt in the hope that will ease the discomfort but no such joy.

I reach for the sick bag and all of a sudden Rich leaps into action to try and wake the old lady sat in the isle. I need to get out and fast before I redecorate seat 30k and the surrounding area. It took a little while because the old lady was fast asleep and couldn’t undo her belt (note to self, in actual emergency climb over anyone not quicker than self).

Eventually I am released from the seat and make my way to a massive queue of people all waiting for the toilet.

I try to squeeze by but when I get to the back of the queue I feel faint and my knees go weak and I hit the deck. Right about now the three people that paid for extra leg room by the emergency exit are definitely regretting that decision, as the only thing they have paid for is a front row seat to a poor reenactment of the exorcist.

I’m now desperately trying to open the sick bag, something bad is about to happen and I need to minimise the damage. Thing is, the sick bag doesn’t seem to want to open, it’s like trying to find the end of the sellotape when wrapping gifts or sort out cling film, there is no way in and the more I can’t find it, the more I start to heave.

It wasn’t full of wellness that’s for sure

I thrust the bag at Rich and gesture to him to open it up, whilst I was glad he also had issues opening it to prove I wasn’t stupid, I was running out of time.

Eventually we get there and I manage to fill the bag and another. It was at this time a flight attendant came and asked me if I was ok, you could tell I was ill as I didn’t reply with a sarcastic “Totally fine, I always like to lie on the floor of a plane and fill 2 sick bags, it’s just part of my routine”. I said yes but I need to get into the toilet.

Weirdly the queue had all but disappeared, not sure if it’s because of the coronavirus at the moment or that people were being nice but no one wanted to use that bathroom right now.

I splashed my face with water, brushed my teeth and went back to my seat, apologising to everyone that I may have annoyed on my way out and as quick as it came, the sickness went away.

Will I fly long haul again? of course, there are some amazing places far far away from home, but I do know from now on my flight safety brief will include a quick check of the way to get into the sick bag.

Scissors image to open the bag, Funny! Ripping will suffice

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