I literally just paid someone to half drown me

I had no idea the soles of my feet could touch the back of my head and if it wasn’t for the fact that my chin was scuffing along the seabed at the same time I might have been impressed. To add insult to injury, as I emerge from the sea like an 80 year old version of the girl from the film The Grudge, sand and snot dripping from my nose after my nasal irrigation and hair covering half my face, the surfboard slams into the back of my head.

Our instructor pointing out where I would fall off the board

Right at that moment, the only thing that could have made it worse is if a shark attacked me. On second thoughts, a shark attack would have meant I would not have to try and attempt surfing anymore! There’s never a shark around when you need one.

It’s weird, I can’t actually remember how much I paid for this surf lesson. I think I’ve tried to erase the entire event from my memory. However much it was, it should have been more expensive, then I wouldn’t have done it.

30 mins into the lesson, my friend, who literally took to surfing like a duck to water asks me on a scale of 1 -10 how I feel, my answer was -3000

Whilst my friend carries on impressing the instructor with her Kelly Slater surf skills, I am left wondering how I’m so bad? Yet each failure results in me walking back out to my instructor so I can “getting on board” and find a new underwater yoga pose.

I started the day so optimistically, packed my beach bag with all my surfing needs. I’m wearing my rash vest, a head band and my favourite hair bobble. After just 20 mins my head band became a noose and I had lost my hair bobble.

Eventually my torment ends and it’s time to drag my sorry ass back to the surf shack with my red raw thighs and another thing to add to my “your shit at that” list.

I’m sooooo brave

No one tells you the reason Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze wear wetsuits in the film point break is to stop them rubbing themselves raw on the board. It’s really very hot in Sri Lanka but I would totally have put on a wetsuit if I thought I was going to loose a layer of skin from my thighs.

Ordeal over we head to a beach bar for lunch where I get to show off my lovely beach styled hair. We also chat about tomorrow’s activities, word on the street, more surfing 🤦🏻‍♀️

I did not dry my hair on the back of a bike

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